Federal Unreserved

For the duration of my mother's illness, we have had a check cut from the trust each month; I then deposited that check into a bank account at US Bank, which is practically in our back yard but also has a branch in the grocery store where I shop in the City. I have several accounts at US Bank, including an account with my sister, mother, and me on it, which was used to pay Mom's nursing home bills, and a savings account with only my name on it. My parents had banked at US Bank, and the tellers and manager know my sister and me by sight. In fact, we got a sympathy card from the bank employees when my mom passed away.

EG and I have our joint accounts at FM Bank, which is down at the center of the township. He does all our banking there, as all my stuff is direct deposited. FM Bank has a branch in the City, too, in its own building across the street from the grocery store and US Bank.

Anyway, having errands to run, I drove over to the City and stopped to deposit two of the checks from the trust into the US Bank account. I turned into FM Bank, and pulled into the drive thru line. I stuck a pen under the flap of one of the envelopes to open it, pressing the envelope onto the steering wheel, and pushing down for leverage. HONK! I beeped the horn.

This startled me, and I jumped, whipping the pen up, and slinging the envelope with the check somewhere into the back of the van. Oops. I jumped out and ran around the back of the van to the other side of the car. Of course I hadn't unlocked the doors, so I continued around the front of the car, stuck my hand through the window, and unlocked the doors, continuing around the car for a second lap. I zipped open the sliding door, finally locating the envelope wedged into a cup holder (one of at least 62 in that van), finished my second lap, and hopped back into the driver's seat. After assembling my paperwork, I pulled up to the window. The teller greeted me warily.

"May I please have a deposit slip," I asked the teller. He told me to send the pneumatic tube carrier back, and I did so with no problems, eyeing the FM Bank posters of their mascot, which is inexplicably a stuffed moose, albeit a cute stuffed moose. I filled out the FM deposit slip with my US Bank account information, signed the back of the checks, and sent the whole thing back to the teller. Next to the drive thru was another poster of the moose, shot from behind, showing his stuffed moose backside with a little stuffed moose tail. "Furry back," it said. It took me a minute. Which was okay, as the teller was having difficulties.

He fussed around quite a bit longer. I wasn't too alarmed, as I generally have a hold on part of the deposit since it is made out to two people, but I am the only one who is depositing it. Tellers new to our transaction struggle with this. Finally, the teller said, "Do you have an account with us?"

Well, this was a new one. "I have a joint account with my sister," I told him. He typed frantically for a few minutes. "And you want this in your checking account?" Yes. "What is your sister's name?" I told him. More typing. Then I elaborated, which totally confused him. "And my mother is on the account, but she is dead."

"She's not showing on the account," he said. "Only two people are on the account. You might have to bring her in and add her."

Now, that would be a trick. "She's dead," I repeated. He blinked at me.

Then he told me, "This number you put on the deposit slip isn't for any account at our bank."

Uh-oh. Light was slowly dawning. I looked again at the moose. "Oh. My. Gosh." I told him. "I AM AT THE WRONG BANK! That's my US Bank account number! Would you please send that all back, and I'll go over to the grocery store?" By now, all the tellers had stopped their transactions and were watching the show. I grabbed the tube with the paperwork, flustered, and drove off.

With the tube still in the car.

Noticing my goof, I drove around the building and back up to the window. Again everyone stopped and stared. I waved the plastic tube, placed it in the holder and tooled off, this time for good.

Next time, I'll go to the corner to do my banking. It is safer to stay in my own neighborhood.