Sabbatical

I have been shut down for three weeks, in survival mode if you will. I started to feel better, to step away from my grief, and I found that my family wasn't used to this mom.

Rocky has been on full lockdown lately. He has started the "if my mouth is moving I am lying" mode again. I stripped his room--Kiki said it looks "monastic," and that we should get him a little brown robe with a rope belt and shave his head. Now Rocky has pulled out the passive-aggressive behavior and has to stay close to mom and dad because he is not complying. Next stop, full blackout.

Kiki has been dramatic, shrieking at everything. The other night she was screaming at Amber the Elusive Cat for shredding a Jonas Brothers poster. (Let me add here that I find no fault with Amber's attitude.) Amber sat very upright and stared coldly at Kiki, not blinking or moving. EG said, "Is her middle claw extended or am I seeing things?" I tend to agree with Amber's attitude.

As for Nita, she is the biggest challenge. Backtalking, obstinate, and hard to manage. In other words, herself, only more so. Like to the Nth degree--distilled Nita. At least once a day she tells me she doesn't want to see my face anymore.

I have refrained from showing her any other parts of my anatomy, despite the overwhelming temptation to do so.

I realize that this is a period of adjustment. These kids have been holding it together for six years, and not only are they adjusting to a new way of living, free of that sadness, but also a new mom who is fully there for them and even happy at times. It must be like getting a stepmom and liking her a lot but feeling guilty about not liking that previous mom so well. I try to understand it, but I am ready to move on.