Money for Nothin"

today I received a totally unexpected email. Here is part of the text. Imagine, a fifty something college professor, mother of three, whose family has been in the U. S. since the late 1700s, all this time completely unaware that she has an inheritance of over ten million dollars from some long lost relative in Nigeria.

ATTENTION FUND BENEFICIARY.

This Is An Official Advice From The FBI, Foreign Remittance/Telegraphic Dept. (FRTD), It Has Come To Our Notice That The ADB (African Development Bank) And C.B.N (Central Bank Of Nigeria) Africa Has Released Your Part Of Inheritance/Contract Payment Of 10,500,000.00 U.S Dollars Into Bank Of America In Your Name As The Beneficiary.

The Bank In Africa Knowing Fully Well That They Do Not Have Enough Facilities To Effect This Payment From Europe To Your Account, Used What We Know As A Secret Diplomatic Transit Payment S.T.D.P To Pay This Fund Through Wire Transfer.

They Are Still Waiting For Final Confirmation From You On The Already Transferred Funds, To Enable Them Crediting Into Your Account Accordingly. Secret Diplomatic Transfer Payment Are Normally Funds Related To Drug/Terrorist And Money Laundry System Of Payment, Why Must Your Payment Be Made In Such Secret Transfer, If Your Transaction Is Legitimate And Not Related To Drug/Terrorist And Money Laundry, Why Can't The Bank In Africa Via Europe Effect Direct Transfer Into Your Account Than Secret Diplomatic Payment Transfer.

Due To The Increased Difficulties And Unnecessary Scrutiny By The American Authorities When Funds Come From Through Such Payment Process From Europe, Africa And Middle East, Based On The Records We Had In The Past Always Identified Such Method Of Payment As Drug/ Terrorist/Money Laundry Funds, To Avoid Problem With The Us Government As Soon As These Funds Reflect In Your Account In The U.S.A, It Is Our Mandatory Obligations To Ascertain The Documentation And Certification Of This Funds Before The Final Crediting Into Your Account.

We Advice You Contact Us Immediately, As The Funds Have Been Stopped And Held In Our Custody Pending When You Were Able To Provide Us With A Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (Dist) Within 3 Days From The United Nation International Fund Monitory Unit (UNIFMU) That Authorize The Transfer And Certified That The Funds Originated From Africa And Middle East Is Free From Terrorist/Drug And Money Laundry Or We Shall Confiscate The Payment. We Will Allow The Funds To Be Release Into Your Account Immediately You Make Provision The Required Document.


I KNOW this has to be from the FBI, as every noun, proper or common, is capitalized. Plus, this most definitely is a top secret transaction, as it didn't come from an FBI email address, but one which cannot be traced. However, I am just a bit concerned that Robert Mueller and/or his secretary cannot distinguish between the homonyms advice/advise, that they left the plural -s off of "United Nations", that they misspelled "monetary", and that "released" is missing a "d," not to mention the grammatical errors of that last sentence.

Puh-leez.